HIV contracts Amy Winehouse

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Celeb Jihad can now confirm that the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, commonly known as HIV, has contracted Amy Winehouse.

Sources close to HIV say that the virus has been inconsolable since it received the diagnosis last Friday.

“This is something that you think only happens to other diseases: Gonorrhea, HPV, maybe Herpes,” the grief stricken virus said. “I just never thought it could happen to me.”

Although HIV has long been aware of the risks associated with exploiting human behaviors such as intravenous drug use and unprotected anal sex, nothing could have prepared it for the stigma associated with contracting Amy Winehouse.

“What am I going to tell my family?” said HIV. “I mean, Scott Weiland? Sure. George Michael? Absolutely! But Amy fucking Winehouse? Game over, man!”

There is no known cure for Amy Winehouse.